Knowing
I have heard it said…”I only know what I know”. That is one of those statements that seems so obvious but still makes me stop and repeat it several times. It is true, simple, but true. In our lives we are formed and driven by that which we know. I’m not really referring to facts such as the length to boil and egg for the yolk to be firm or the correct answer to a complex algabraic problem. I mean what we know about ourselves, about each other and about LIFE.
I am on the eve of a milestone birthday- 16 has passed along with 21 and my 30’s but a memory and 40’s were life changing to say the least… 50 is here. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about this birthday and the significance to me. I am not hung up on the age aspect at all or all the “changes” that I have been warned that it brings. True- there are some changes and I am keenly aware of them as they not so subtley hit me on the head… a new level of scatteredness, the inability to function on just 4 hours of sleep day after day, and the unfortunate realization that I can no longer eat whatever I want whenever I want without feedback in my stomach or on the scale.
No, I have been thinking a lot about “what I know” as I turn 50.
I know that I love my kids more than words can express and I know that I love them unselfishly and unconditionally. I know that they love me and see me as their Mom and as a friend and as a person.
I know that my heart can endure great sadness and that through that sadness and pain, can endure and remain open. I know I am capable of giving love and receiving it- open hearted all the way. I know what real love feels like and the immense depth of its riches.
I know that my faith has been challenged, questioned and broken at times but that it remains at the core of who I am and that those times of enormous struggle, it has not failed me and has grown stronger and deeper.
I know simply that if you live your life with only intention and no action, you are only scratching the surface. It can be a scary place to go where you are unsure or without more than instinct. Frightening and quite intimidating to admit you really don’t know how to take those steps but that the action simply must follow the intent you are feeling. I know now that this is LIFE and on this downhill side of the hill, I don’t want to miss a single opportunity to put into action all my lists of wonderful intentions.
When I opened To The Last Drop I was equipped with what I thought was just one piece of knowledge- cooking and teaching both brought me great joy and I was hoping to combine the two. Then followed a whirlwind of things I did not know- business plans, health codes and regulations, exhaust systems and marketing. My learning curve was huge, still is in fact, and suddenly I was feeling that I didn’t know much of anything. I took a big leap of action- I opened the shop but also knew that this was a long and sustained action which requires constant assessment of what “I know”. My intent was constant it just requires a lot of action.
On the eve of this milestone birthday, I see things a bit differently. While I know that I must continue to gain knowledge that is fact based and that I may never be the wisest or most savvy business woman in spite of my actions, I have all the knowledge I really need. What I really needed to know, I knew all along.
I have the love of my kids and those in my life- this I know.
I have an open heart and an ability to love and care deeply about people and their needs- this I know.
I have a strong faith that keeps those white lines in focus even when it is foggy and the visibility is low-this is know.
I have really learned a lot in my 50 years and I am happy.
This, of all, I know best.
