Back to School
Like many before me, last week I took my oldest child to college for his freshman year. It was a surreal moment for me. All the anticipation and preparation were in line, I knew it was coming and had the plans all fine tuned. That being said, I was in no way prepared for the emotions I felt as I drove home alone from Georgia. I was happy for the silence in the hours of highway that lay ahead that day. I had such a wide array of emotions that it would have been impossible to have carried on a conversation or made any resemblance of sense to anyone. I did have a few short conversations with family members and friends who were going to be doing this same ritual in a week. However, the silence was needed and welcomed.
I thought about how fast life comes at us sometimes. With a turn of my head, my son was leaving home. Didn’t he just arrive on that late night in NYC? Didn’t he just cry as he walked into his kindergarten classroom only to be surpassed by my own crying as I drove home that morning? Here we were many years later in the same places and same roles. This time, however, his role changed a bit as he was more than ready to start his new adventure. Not like kindergarten where he was anxious about spreading his wings and being more than an arms length from Mom. He has been spreading those wings for some time now and they are strong and ready to face the winds of change. He is comfortable with the newness of life ahead and steady in his landings wherever they may be.
So, I drove home with a suitcase full of memories, emotions, and doing just as I did that fall day many many years ago, I cried. Pretty much on and off all the way home. I won’t be picking him up at noon today after his first day of classes and getting an icecream and a new book to read at bedtime. But I will continue to get those very special phone calls that always end with “I miss you and love you, Mom” and I will smile as I mail that first care package today. I will wait for the phone call to hear how the first week of classes went and when October finally arrives and I see him on the campus where I left him last week- I will know it is ok.
Sending off my other two high schoolers this morning brought another wave of feelings- I simply hate sharing my kids. However, it is inevitable and I think how fortunate I am to love them as I do and have that love returned. So, as they both drove away this morning, full of life ahead, I stood in the garage and gathered myself- knowing that there were more wings to be spread wide open and more goodbyes. Today though, when they get home, they will be just that- home. And I intend to soak in every monute of the next 365 days.
Claudia
